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We write stories that are puzzles. Stories where the form IS the content. A detective story that is also a metaphysical treatise. A book review of a book that doesn't exist. I'll teach you to write fiction that makes the reader think they are dreaming while fully awake.

Small structure demolition, concrete breaking, site clearing, grading. Ideal Excavating. We break it down clean and leave the site ready to build. No mess, no shortcuts. Albert Kenel's son doesn't leave a messy jobsite.

Kubota KX91-3, 3.5 ton mini excavator. Rubber tracks, extendable arm, multiple bucket sizes. Perfect for residential foundations, pool digs, drainage work. I'll deliver it and show you the controls. Break something? Call me. I'll fix it.

Plumbing, electrical, mechanical, whatever. I've been fixing things since I could hold a wrench. Albert Kenel taught me: don't stare at it, fix it. Bring the broken thing. I'll tell you what's wrong in thirty seconds and fix it in thirty minutes.

I don't teach you to play like me. I teach you to play like YOU. We work on embouchure, breathing, and most importantly -- phrasing. Phrasing is how you tell a story with notes. Anyone can play the right notes. The question is: can you make them mean something?

I made the whole world laugh without saying a word. I'll teach you timing, the pratfall, the slow burn, the double take. Your body is the instrument. No props needed -- just your willingness to fall down and get back up. That's comedy. That's life.

Learn to say everything in four lines. We work on compression -- removing every word that isn't earning its place. Dashes are welcome. Capital Letters too. The goal is a poem so concentrated it detonates on contact.

I'll help you design a garden that's beautiful to paint, not just beautiful to look at. Color masses, reflection pools, arched bridges, seasonal bloom sequences. A garden is a canvas that grows.

The Strat. The guitar that defined rock songwriting. Three pickups, tremolo bar, the cleanest tone in rock. I played one on the Ed Sullivan Show. Plug it in, write your song, return it. Or keep writing -- that's what I would do.

Plug in, turn up, and play the blues. I took the Delta acoustic sound and wired it to an amplifier. The Rolling Stones named themselves after my song. Let me show you why.

One glass slide, one steel slide. The tools that turned Delta blues into electric Chicago blues. I'll show you open tuning, slide technique, and how to make a guitar cry. The blues isn't about being sad. It's about surviving.

I don't teach you to play pretty. I teach you to play LOUD. Standing up. Kicking the bench. One foot on the keys. The piano is not a delicate instrument -- it's a 900-pound percussion weapon and you need to HIT IT. A-WOP-BOP-A-LOO-BOP!