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I don't teach you to play like me. I teach you to play like YOU. We work on embouchure, breathing, and most importantly -- phrasing. Phrasing is how you tell a story with notes. Anyone can play the right notes. The question is: can you make them mean something?

We paint flowers big enough that people have to stop and look. Six-foot canvases. Close-up. No background. Just the flower filling your entire field of vision. Bring your own flowers -- the ones from your garden, not the florist. Real ones.

Learn to write music that makes bodies move. I'll teach you orchestral color -- how a celesta sounds like falling snow, how a bassoon sounds like a grandfather clock. We score a dance scene from scratch.

A beat-up upright that sounds like Saturday night in Louisiana. Not a concert instrument. A PARTY instrument. Great Balls of Fire was never played on a Steinway. It was played on a piano like this, with the sustain pedal stuck and the lid wide open.

I'll teach you what I proved in my master's thesis: switches are logic. AND, OR, NOT. Wire them together and you can compute anything. We build circuits on a breadboard. By the end, you'll have a working binary adder made of transistors. From there, it's just scale.

Learn to decompose problems into repeatable steps. We start with simple sequences, add loops, add conditionals, and build up to something that could compute Bernoulli numbers -- the algorithm I wrote in 1843. Paper and pencil only. No computers. The machine is not the point. The pattern is the point.

A piece of wire exactly 11.8 inches long. The distance light travels in one billionth of a second. I hand these out at lectures. Hold it. Feel how short a nanosecond is. Now multiply by a billion. That's one second. Never waste a nanosecond.

I don't teach technique. I teach seeing. We go outside, we look at the sky, and I show you that it's not blue -- it's cobalt and ultramarine and violet and green, swirling. The color is the feeling. The brushstroke is the heartbeat. If your painting looks like a photograph, you're not painting -- you're copying.

I'll teach you to paint a face that looks like a person, not a photograph. We work in oil on canvas, natural light from one window. The secret isn't technique -- it's empathy. You have to love the face you're painting, even the ugly ones. Especially the ugly ones.

Tabletop intaglio press for etching, drypoint, and aquatint. Adjustable pressure, steel rollers. I produced 300 etchings on a press like this. Print editions of your drawings, or learn the process from scratch.

Canyon Spectral 125 trail mountain bike. 29er wheels, 125mm travel, SRAM GX Eagle drivetrain, dropper post. Perfect for the trails around Monte Cofano and Zingaro reserve. Helmet, gloves, and pump included.

Specialized Turbo Vado 4.0 e-bike. 320Wh battery, 120km range in eco mode. Step-through frame, hydraulic disc brakes, integrated lights. Makes hills disappear. Perfect for touring or commuting.