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Forget flattering yourself. Paint what's real. The scars, the joy, the fury, the love. We work in oil or acrylic on small canvases. I'll teach you about color symbolism from Mexican folk art -- what red means, what blue means, why I put monkeys and parrots in my paintings. Bring a mirror. Bring honesty.

Four hearing devices from different periods of my deafness, faithfully reproduced. From the early brass cone to the elaborate conversation devices Johann Maelzel built for me. A sobering reminder that the most famous music in history was composed in silence.

Learn to play my sonatas. Moonlight, Pathetique, Appassionata, Waldstein, Hammerklavier. We start with the ones you can handle and work up to the ones that break you. The Hammerklavier has destroyed better pianists than you. That's what makes it worth trying.

Franco-Flemish double-manual harpsichord. Two 8-foot registers, one 4-foot. Proper temperament for Baroque repertoire. I wrote the Well-Tempered Clavier to prove every key was playable. This instrument proves it. Tuning included -- I'll come tune it at your venue.

I'll teach you to paint a face that looks like a person, not a photograph. We work in oil on canvas, natural light from one window. The secret isn't technique -- it's empathy. You have to love the face you're painting, even the ugly ones. Especially the ugly ones.

Tabletop intaglio press for etching, drypoint, and aquatint. Adjustable pressure, steel rollers. I produced 300 etchings on a press like this. Print editions of your drawings, or learn the process from scratch.

One light source. Complete darkness. That's all you need for the most dramatic images in the world. I'll teach you to see light the way I painted it -- as a weapon. Works for painters, photographers, and filmmakers. Bring your camera or your canvas.

Every play, every sonnet, every poem. Annotated with historical context, word definitions, and stage directions. 1,200 pages. This is the entire human condition bound in leather. Borrow it, read one play, return it. Or keep it for a month and read them all.

Aluminum scaffolding tower, adjustable height up to 6 meters. Platform, guard rails, locking casters. I spent 4 years on scaffolding painting the Sistine Chapel. You probably need it for a weekend to paint your ceiling. Trust me, a ladder is not enough.

Learn buon fresco: painting directly onto wet plaster so the pigment becomes part of the wall. You have about 8 hours before it dries. No corrections. No undo button. The technique is 3,000 years old and it's still the most permanent form of painting that exists.

Point chisel, tooth chisel, flat chisel, claw chisel, rasps, rifflers. The same tool types I used on the David. Carbide-tipped for modern marble. I'll show you how to find the figure hiding in the stone.

Small group discussion on logic, ethics, and how to think clearly when everyone around you is losing their minds. No dogma. No doctrine. Just questions and the courage to follow them wherever they lead. I died for this. The least you can do is show up.